Sentiments

Formulated feelings have nothing more for humanity than an ordered way to experience feeling; a structured sentimentality, if you will. It is this structured sentimentality which overwhelms me; which rails against my soul with the desire to produce in my soul the same tears which the prevailing culture attempts to convince me is normal and necessary for the experiencing of such brokenness.

Well, now I have crossed into the boundary of the unknown which, in my lack of explanation I created; I failed to admit to my brokenness. How weak must we humans be if even at our most vulnerable state we still possess the inability to completely be that, and strive for invulnerability. On the same note, humanity seems to possess a supernatural ability to hold on when all hope is lost, especially when the acknowledgement of being broken seems to us a backward step -but maybe I am speaking only from my experience.

Maybe the fear of brokenness comes from the culture which cannot even buy a stick of gum without a receipt. I do not presuppose to propose that cultures which do not need anything more than a word or honor are better than cultures which require more for an agreement to be reached. But I am. At least in the extremity where our words should be our words; interpretations aside -we should say "yes" and be sure that all who were listening to us heard us say "yes."

This is, of course, a clear and wide road (which, when translated into humanity's tongue would appear: dark and dangerous). Yet, if we can commit within our inability to actually be dedicated to what we say, and be dedicated to what we say I think we can move beyond the inability into an expectancy of hope; a realization of the work which is at work within us.

I am now speaking of heavenly things, so while I think these things should probably be available to all; I recognize that the darkness of the world has taken over many minds and separated them from the concepts which should, in their conception, be as free for the mind as air is for the body. This does not mean that all thoughts are free, on the contrary -every thought has a price, in fact, a high one. The price of a thought is as great as its influence over the thinker. This is most readily seen in the question which is pregnant with meaning and then answered with the presumption of the finality (this finality being maintained within the absence of hope).

In intention, I fall into this structured sentimentality because of its personal perceptiveness which allows itself to sink either into elated self-exultation or desperate self-preservation. Each is, sadly, full of pejorative connotations; and full of thoughts which splinter my already broken mind.