Allocation

If I spent my time attempting to place my identity I would have misplaced it. It is not often my habit to make a habit of anything. Thus, even this electronic representation of my bleak and abysmal journal is only copied on random and select occasions. The thoughts which run between all these entries in the actual account of my life are far more mysterious (for you detective types) and far more interesting than can possibly be shared (now detective types: give up; you'll never know). When people think that they can read this and... there they have failed. In the presupposition of the reality of the "and" you all have realized some expectation, some hope, which, in reality, is not available. Supposing you can even read this presupposes that you know what "this" is. You are thinking with too much pretense. Stop it.

If you were paying attention it would make sense to remind you that while they are often different, the marriage of random and select is the beautiful child of eclecticism. Hand picked. Now, don't bite the hand which picked you, and don't biff the entry which you can't presuppose yourself through. Deal with it.

So, even if I did figure it out, "misplaced" would be the best word to describe my attempted allocation. Why? ..Maybe you should read more. I don't expect every reference I make to be picked up on, but it is depressing when the only reference that someone recognizes in my discourse is something they "read once." How saddening; that so few people read beyond their pretense they are completely unable to recognize a reference for such unless they are given an immediate control. Desiring that control element is only natural, and if I was a characteristic instead of a character, I would use Darwin's beautiful quote about myself.

Now, I must admit, that connection to Darwin is only my attempt to both praise my ability to deftly mask my reference to Karl Sagan, a man powerfully contained by one of Dostoyevsky’s demons. You think you know the great authors? Have you read the classics? Have you read their other works? Have you read the poems which are no longer in print? "Read and weep, for you know naught of those who have come before." You will never find the source of that quote, unless you read that you have not read; yet, if you are paying attention then you have the answer, for the answer have been given to you. (and no, none of the last paragraph is mistyped)

I suppose that it is unkind to continue on in this way; teaching your brains patience while I exercise my own. Perhaps I should place patience in the same place as serenity. For while antonyms, they keep each other at the same distance which Poe kept his mother. Ironically, neither did Dumas. (But as we all know, Heaney made it right when he redid What Wasn’t Written).

Again, I apologize –but after all this is the eclectic cousin of my journal, and the entries chosen must represent that. My need is discernment, your need is containment. Now allocate your resources: use your brain.